Just once
by beccaleelee
Summary: If he stops, stops for one second, one heartbeat, one moment, his world will shatter. His façade will break. His carefully constructed mask will crumble..."
1. Chapter 1

_**Disclaimer: I own no recognizable people, places, or items. I am just a poor little girl with a lot of daydreams that get me in trouble at school. **_

_So this is my first Alex Rider fanfic—I usually write Stargate Atlantis. I accept flames, but don't be nasty just because I said you didn't need to be nice. After all, I control the story and any possible future updates._

_**And so, without further ado, I give you the amazing **_**Just Once.**

His feet strike the pavement with a repetitive thud. His breath comes in short, ragged gasps. The storm rages around him, but still Alex runs.

With each impact of a foot on the ground, he remembers.

Yassen, Ash, Ian, Jack, Sabina, his parents, Mr. Blunt, Ms. Jones, Ms. Rothman. Everyone he has hurt, everyone he's gotten killed, everyone who used him, left him behind when he needed them, mocked him, kicked him when he was down. They are all there, all laughing. Mocking him, taunting him, telling him _he wasn't good enough_, _he was only good for getting people hurt, for being hurt,_ their voices carry to him by the wind, surrounding him, pounding down on every side of him.

He needs to stop, needs a break, needs to go _home _for God's sake.

But he can't. He can't stop running, can never stop, has to keep moving. Because if he stops, stops for one second, one heartbeat, one moment, his world will shatter. His façade will break. His carefully constructed mask will crumble and his tail—that stupid tail that those idiots assigned to watch him, to follow him, to _protect _him—will see him fall apart.

And he can't fall apart, can't be a child, can't be _free_.

The thunder rolls above his head, and Alex cries. Cries as he runs, sobbing uncontrollably, wanting to be home, but scared, oh so scared that Jack will see his tears, see his tears and question him, ask him if he's okay, if he needs anything, threaten to storm down to the bank and kill Blunt and Jones herself, get herself into trouble because of him. And it would be his fault, always his fault, always his choices that get people killed.

And suddenly, he can't do it any more. Can't pretend to be okay for those men in the car behind him. Can't keep running, can't evade his demons anymore, can't escape his own fears. Alex falls to his knees in the middle of the road, and covers his face. Letting himself be the scared little boy that he deserves to be. Just this once.


	2. Chapter 2

_**Disclaimer: Still own nothing.**_

_Guys, you do know that I can check to see how many people are reading this and compare it to the number who are replying, right?Just checking. I'm not trying to influence those 92 viewers who haven't replied. I'd _never_ do that. So I'd like to thank those who have replied publicly, as well as in my private reply. Thanks to_ feathersofbronze_, _Kt of the bugs_, _Aelyra, _and whomever used the name _Wolfmonster.

_I'd also like to point out that this story is marked as complete because it could be complete at any given time, but if you add it to your alerts, you might get a surprise now and then._

_As before, flames are excepted if you think they're deserved. _

_So, I'm sorry that these chapters are kind of short. I think that they only work well when they're short. I originally had chapters 1 and 2 together, but it felt wrong. I hope you like it._

_**And so, here's chapter two.**_

It was the dream that had woken him, Jack knew. She had heard him cry out, panic filling the air before the sound cut off. He didn't want to wake her, didn't want her to hear him falling apart, and so she didn't. she squeezed her eyes shut, fighting the urge to run to his side.

Lightning flashed outside her window, followed almost immediately by the thunder. The storm was there.

The front door swung shut softly, but the sound seemed to break apart the house. And he was gone. Gone to face the ghosts alone, gone to fight the storm, just gone.

He would come back by dawn, she knew. He would go to school the next day, and hide his sleepless eyes from the world—just another scar to shield.

The storm raged on, an endless scream of agony filling the night with wordless pain and anger.

Jack clutched her blankets, tensed her muscles, buried her face in the pillow, and waited.

Waited for Alex to come home.

Waited for him to find peace—just this once.


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I suddenly discovered that I **_**do**_** own Alex Rider. Yup. And then the special doctors in white coats came to visit me! I DON'T OWN ANYTHING!!!! **

_**Much better with the reviews! Thanks guys!**_

_So, as of right now the visitors to this story include 138 from the USA, 31 from the UK, 23 from Australia, 13 from Canada, 5 from Ireland, 3 from New Zealand, 3 from China, 3 from Indonesia, 2 from Poland, 3 from Denmark, 2 from Norway, 2 from France, 2 from Germany, 1 from Taiwan, 1 from Switzerland, 1 from Sweden, 1 from Bermuda, 2 from the Netherlands, 2 from Finland, 1 from Bulgaria, 1 from Vietnam, 1 from South Africa, 1 from Belgium, 1 from Hungary, 1 from the UAE, 1 from Singapore, and 1 from Malaysia._

_**Know why I took the time to type those? To prove that I check my story stats. Come on you guys! You're already spending time to read this! Just type in a few words!**_

**And so, here is **_**The Morning After**_** (sorry. Couldn't resist. Younger people, don't ask. Older people, please don't hit me.)**

Jack was in the kitchen burning some toast when Alex thudded down the stairs. The two exchanged greetings when Alex walked in. Jack studied him surreptitiously. "Sleep well?"

"Fine," answered Alex. "And you?" Jack just nodded, watching him out of the corner of her eye as she dropped the toast on a plate.

"Are you all right? You don't look well."

"I'm _fine_." This time the answer was a little more forced. Outside, the lighting and thunder exploded almost together, and Alex glanced out the window. "This storm has been hanging over our heads for ages now. I'm sick of it."

"So am I." Jack murmured, before she continued in a forcedly cheerful voice. "Well, here you go."

As the plate landed in front of Alex, he poked the bread a little nervously. "Is this…toast?" he asked hesitantly.

Jack scowled at him. "Yes it is, as you well know."

"But it's all…black."

"Stop mocking the toast, Alex. You'll hurt its feelings." Jack smiled at her ward, pleased to see him back to his regular self.

"You know, I think I might just grab something to eat at school." Jack rolled her eyes and muttered under her breath. Alex grinned as he picked out the words "Never eats what I make…always complains when it's a _little _burnt…just fine when you scrape off the black bits."

He headed for the door, schoolbag in hand and shouted his goodbyes. As the door shut behind him, the smile slid off his face again. "I'm fine." He muttered again, this time to convince himself as he headed out into the storm.

THE END

_This is the end for real this time. But let's play a game. __**In the Alex Rider movie's credits there is a character called "clumsy guard." Figure out what scene he was in **__****_

_**You know what's funny? I actually had the whole "toast" conversation with my dad the other day. He can't cook. 'nough said.**_


End file.
